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Disambiguation Station (dlux)

by Cara Esten (and the Rusty Sunsets)

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1.
In a cavern underground The two of us could hear the sound Of rushing air and water overhead We did our best to stay inside Fires tried to take our lives But time passed and we weren’t dead Green fields gone black and brown A desolate and lonely town hacking cough and crying eyes What happens after the end of the world? What stories burn and which ones are heard New names rise from dirt (I love the way it hurts) What happens after the end of the world? Pick up pieces left behind Undo knots from ties that bind Forget the promises we made Bones that last a million years Hearts like ours that never heal The pain just keeps us sharp as blades Black fields with specks of green All relief’s a distant dream And salvation can’t arrive What happens after the end of the world? What stories burn and which ones get told We sculpt our bodies out of clay (Pull me close and stay) What happens after the end of the world? What happens after the end of the world? What stories burn and which ones get told New names rise from dirt (I love the way it hurts)
2.
Hand in hand while the other weaves tight Hand in hand most every night Hand in hand like a poem or a song Like the last few seconds of night before dawn I miss you, Rosalyn I miss your delicate touch I miss the sight of your skin Hand in hand in the union hall Hand in hand through the market stalls Hand in hand hidden in folds of skirts Fabric piled up on the pews in church I miss you, Rosalyn I miss your long eyelashes, how you never gave in I miss you Rosalyn I miss your delicate touch I miss the sight of your skin Hand in hand till stitches slowed down Hand in hand till they called me out Hand in hand till I was out of work On that Saturday in March, when you left this earth I miss you Rosalind (146 people died in the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire, 123 of them were women. down with bosses, down with capitalism)
3.
Cost per pill in a payment plan Counting change, change change Catholic hymns and catholic pain Catholic graves graves graves And I don’t wanna be buried With the same weight my mother carried I don’t wanna be buried With the same weight my mother carried Reflections always caught my eye Something strange strange strange Relax repeat escape routines From this cage cage cage And I don’t wanna be buried With the same weight my father carried I don’t wanna be buried With the same weight my father carried
4.
Sunrise over manicured lawns I’m not the one who’s in your arms But I’ll teach you both to dream Three years since an escape attempt The broke down truck that heavy scent Burnt oil on Texas breeze And the Bible study breaks Take a look out west and pray Who named the flowers that grow by the highway The ones that go heavy in May Who studied the seeds we tie to our wishes When we wish to fly away Your lover looks at me with eyes That see departure metastasize She's packing bags and moving on You hang on every word I say Like gravity never pulled us away Your faith was strong And your older brother’s angry eyes When he sees me back in town alive Who named the flowers that grow by the highway The ones that go heavy in May Who studied the seeds we tie to our wishes When we wish to fly away Loading up my trusty car Two faces from across the yard Can we get a ride? I think it’s time to try
5.
I pledge allegiance to the vacant shed And the broke down fence by the border The way the sun sinks into the sand How days burn but nights get colder God bless the tire swing God save our king God save all the littler things I pledge an oath to protect this home In our hearts and abandoned mines Our famous sons all come and gone they’re just Immigrants to highway exit signs God bless the tire swing God save our king God save all the littler things God save the songs we forgot how to sing God save all the little things
6.
Oh how the echo of the foghorn sings From buried bones of discarded kings A home for all forgotten things Crumbling houses and poetry And on the shore a face I knew Evokes that ever-present you Is it spirit, sighs or truth Or just a part I left back there And I held a little kindness for her smile She held a small kindness for my eyes But it gets so foggy here at night And all the stars they shed their light And I toss and turn the shadows creep As I lie awake out on the beach
7.
Eyes flick to the clock in the most drab room My hands on my face look through my fingers at you You scribble halfway histories of how I ended up here Stuttering the stories from my tongue to your ear While I try To get right To get well But I do wrong Still I'll fight like hell To get right To get well If I do wrong Still fight like hell All my friends in the streets on a may afternoon With all their half-true jokes about not making it till June We wave signs like they're saviors chant our red songbook hymns Strain to hear the megaphone then strain to breathe in This is us trying To get right To get well But I do wrong Still I'll fight like hell To get right To get well If I do wrong Still fight like hell All I've got is everyone All I've got is everyone around me So we'll get right We'll get well Can't do wrong When we fight like hell We'll get right We'll get well Can't do wrong When we fight like hell
8.
Hot Freaks 02:30

credits

released November 12, 2021

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Cara Esten (and the Rusty Sunsets) Oakland, California

just a girl, standing in front of a tape recorder with an acoustic guitar, a melodica, and a synthesizer, asking the motor to please not burn out this time

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